“For a moment there, I thought she would breeze right through the toddler phase. But you’d know I was sorely mistaken if you saw me out in public trying to buckle a ferocious two-year-old into her car seat.”
If you’re a toddler mom, you’ve probably heard someone say, “Don’t worry. It gets easier.” You might even have said that at some point to another parent, hoping it would help. But you know what? It doesn’t get easier. No one has this whole parenting thing figured out. This is especially true when it comes to toddlerhood.
I have two kids, my youngest is almost two, and for a moment there, I thought she would breeze right through the toddler phase. But you’d know I was sorely mistaken if you saw me out in public trying to buckle a ferocious two-year-old into her car seat.
As a disclaimer, you should know that I don’t like talking about this phase as the terrible twos. Toddlers are tenacious, temperamental, and truthful — but I don’t think “terrible” is the way to describe this whirlwind of development that befalls our kids at this age.
Everything is a Phase
It’s easy to get caught up in the drama of the moment when your toddler is throwing a tantrum because you gave them the orange cup instead of the purple one. If you’ve heard me say this once, you’ll hear me say it a thousand times more: everything is a phase. Today it’s the blue cup, tomorrow it’s the green one, and next week they won’t even care about cups at all. To them, this small discrepancy is life or death. It’s the greatest heartbreak or the most exciting adventure: there simply isn’t an in-between.
Two-year-olds are unpredictable and ever-changing, so instead of getting rid of all the orange cups and replacing them with purple ones, ride out the storm, and remember that calmer days are ahead.
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When a meltdown begins, you could try whispering. Most toddlers are curious enough to quiet down and listen to why you are suddenly talking in a hushed voice. Without them knowing it, they are being distracted and calming their breathing. It might not work all the time, but it’s worth a shot.
Saying “No” is Like Adding Fuel to the Fire
When you say “Don’t stand on the couch,” toddlers hear, “Stand on the couch.” Now she’s not only standing on the couch but jumping on it. For all the rapid development happening in their brains, their attention spans are still remarkably short.
Saying “no” too often results in toddlers becoming immune to it; they literally stop hearing it. As a toddler mom, you could try to use the word “no” sparingly so that your toddler knows you mean business when you do pull it out of the bag.
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Instead of saying, “No, don’t jump on the couch,” you can say, “Let’s jump on the ground.” My toddler is usually quite agreeable when I communicate like this, and if not, I’ll try another tactic, whereas, saying “no” is a guaranteed failure from the start.
It’s Okay to Say Yes
In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if your toddler wears mismatched socks or insists on bringing their stuffed owl to the grocery store? Sometimes, it’s easier to just say “yes” and move on. Picking your battles is key to maintaining your sanity. Save your “no’s” for the really important stuff, like not running into traffic or eating crayons. The rest? Let it slide and enjoy the peace.
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If saying “yes” will keep the peace and doesn’t pose a risk, go ahead. Let them wear the superhero cape to the supermarket. It’s not worth the fight.
Distract, Distract, Distract
I’ve heard a few people say that distracting our toddlers from their feelings doesn’t teach them how to work through those feelings. While I agree that there is a time and a place for working through big feelings with them, it’s unrealistic to get down to their level and gently ‘talk them through’ every big feeling they have.
If your toddler is throwing a fit because they can’t have sweets before dinner, distract them with something shiny, noisy, or new. “Oh look, a squirrel!” works surprisingly well.
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Keep a stash of distractions handy: bubbles, stickers, a funny dance move. The key is to redirect their energy before the meltdown reaches full force.
Involve them and make Things Silly
If you can turn a chore into a game, you’re halfway there. To make things easier, you could sing silly songs while brushing teeth, make funny faces while changing a nappy, or have a “who can clean up the fastest” race. When things are fun, toddlers are much more likely to cooperate. With routine tasks and chores, it’s a great idea to get them involved. It makes them feel a little more in control and allows them to have a sense of independence.
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After putting on socks, I’ll say something like, “Okay what’s next?” and my toddler will usually respond with “Tchoos”. Now, she knows it’s time for shoes and the chances of her fighting me on this decreases slightly.
Good Nap = Good Night
The old saying “sleep begets sleep” is especially true if you want to survive toddlerhood. A good nap during the day typically means a better night’s sleep. Skimp on the nap, and you’re in for a rough evening.
I wish I could go back to my first-time mom phase and let her know that it’s okay to plan things around my toddler’s nap. I listened to people telling me “oh she’ll be asleep by 7pm tonight” when she had a bad nap during the day, and ultimately I was the one who ended up with a fussy, overtired toddler at night. As a toddler mom, you are allowed to prioritise nap time, even if it means cancelling plans or rearranging your schedule. Trust me, it’s worth it.
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Create a consistent nap routine with a calming pre-nap activity like reading a book or listening to music. Stick to the routine as closely as possible. Note that I didn’t say nap “time” here. When you have to move things around during the day, that’s okay too. Not every day will be perfect and your toddler will be fine if you have to move a nap to accommodate a special event every once in a while.
So, there you have it: a few nuggets of wisdom from the front lines of toddlerhood. It’s a wild ride, full of ups and downs, and a lot of spilled milk. But remember, you’re not alone, and no toddler mom has it all figured out. While I can say that some things will get better, I can also guarantee that other things will get harder — but I promise you’ll survive toddlerhood.
FAQs About Being A Toddler Mom
At what age does toddlerhood begin?
Toddlerhood begins at around 1 and could last until after their 3rd birthday.
How to avoid toddler tantrums?
While you can’t avoid toddler tantrums in totality, you can try to curb a tantrum before it escalates into a full-blown meltdown. You could try distracting your toddler or whispering — for some reason, this seems to work like a treat!
Why do toddlers only hit one parent?
It’s normal for toddlers to direct bad behaviour towards the parent they feel safest with.
What comes after the toddler phase?
After the toddler phase (1-3 years) your little one will enter the pre-school age (4-5 years).
How can you be a good toddler parent?
Allow your toddler to discover new things on their own, pick your battles, have snacks on hand (always!) and try to regulate your own feelings before trying to control theirs.
